Is it really me… or nah? 

So I’m back fam! I call y’all my fam because you all are the few, besides my friends, who get an opportunity to hear allllll the random thoughts I have going through my mind. Today’s topic: Is it really me or nah? Btw: Naught by Nature’s “Hip Hop Hooray” and Lord Tariq, Peter Gunz “De Ja Vu (Uptown Baby) is the background vibes. Or BET Jamz. Haha I randomly ask myself often times is it my attitude or is It everyone else? Personally, I believe it’s a combination of both. When speaking about myself, I can admit that the “new” me which is actually who the old me is a but a bit much for many. I’m from Atlanta and was raised to say what was on my mind. Respectfully of course but still say it. I’m in Maryland and unfortunately most of the people I’ve met here claim to be “real” but nah. Y’all just say what you want without any regard for the other person or any explanation behind what you said. In Georgia, we say what we mean. Period. I said what I said. That could sometimes come off as rude or insensitive but to be honest I wasn’t placed on this earth to be nothing less of completely honest. 

To be real, when I drink, my speech slurs. Not because I’m grossly intoxicated but because I barely pronounce everything I say so guess what?! You may not know what I’m saying when I’m “tipsy” or when I’m fully drunk. 

Anyways, back to me. I met this dude in Singapore and a girl in Hyde Park, NY. Ol’ boy literally had a hold on me. 

First, the guy. This kind of guy was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced and actually what I asked God for. Bam! Here he comes. The drive, ambitions, and admiration of me had me hooked. Never mind that he was 7 years younger. Ha! Nah, remember that he IS 7 years younger. I did ask God to show me what my husband could look like but I didn’t specify the age. What did I get?! The man of my dreams who was maturely immature. Smh. I never wanted a narcissist but here he was. In the full flesh. An intellectual, immature, mature, narcissist. Damn!! 

PSA: Gentleman, when you meet a grown, mature, adult woman, please attempt not to treat her like you college sweetheart that you attempted to grow with or the neighborhood hood chick who took all the legal L’s for you, or the naive woman who doesn’t fully know her worth but is probably the one of three woman God is presenting to you to be you life long partner. Ok?!? Ok!!!

 I say that because as fast as I got hooked to this young man, I lost interest. Not due to his age but to his arrogance. I get it. You’re successful after college. You’ve got offers to graduate schools here and there. You’ve made it “out” of a neighborhood known to struggle. Cool! I’m proud of you my brother! However, realize the type of WOMAN you’ve just met. Black, successful, has a great degree working on Masters in a less than black career field, around very powerful people, she’s smart, independent, proud, and rise YOU up! The strong black man!!! Why would you attempt to make her feel like she’s superior to you when all I’ve ever done from jump was make us somewhat equal?! I even downplayed all I have over you to hopefully get you to realize that, well, I’m that chick!! I’m every mans dream woman that they will never say out loud! I’m a piece of your dream and all I’ve ever tried to do was make you feel like you’re the only man I’ve ever been asking for. God brought you to me to simply ask ME of this man he’s shower me was who I wanted with some modifications. You were. You had sooo much potential but you never cared about anyone else’s success but your own. I supported you with not really even knowing you because I knew your worth beyond what you could actually see. Damn!! You were super dope and despite us not talking much anymore, I pray for you. I pray that you’re about your career but care more about that beautiful young woman that is before you. Cherish her. Love her. Tell her and the world what her worth is. Stop thinking about just YOU!! 

For the young lady I let in Hyde Park, girl, you are so blessed. You’ve made it from the oppressed opinions of Dominicans in NY to a chef in a world that doesn’t cherish minorities. You did that honey!! I apologize for making our first outing awkward due to my dislike for young ladies in the venue. I could’ve handled it differently but I chose not to. Unfortunately, for some women, I just can’t simply be around some women who are not genuine. It’s not in me DNA. The South taught me how to forgive but now how to be comfortable Lenin the presence of those who wrong you. I may never be okay with the presence but I hope to get better with time. Keep pushing and keep striving to reach your goal which is ultimately the White House! 

I’ve never said I was perfect but I am very open about my feelings. People: check those who need it and learn to reserve it around those who don’t deserve it. 

I should’ve shown my ass to ol’ boy but I didn’t. Instead I showed it to a potential friend. For that, I’m regretful. I know she’ll forgive me and I know I’ll never show her that side of me again. 

Until we speak again, y’all, be true to thy self! 

Love Always,



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